Free Meditation| Summary | Emotional Intelligence

April 23, 2014

 

 

 

 

 

 

We discussed the following:

  • Brief History of Emotional Intelligence
  • What is EQ?
  • What are emotions?
  • What are the five competencies of EQ?
  • What is emotional hijack?
  • What is delayed gratification?
  • What is optimal performance?
  • What are nonverbal messages?
  •  What is OMW and what is its role in handling emotions?

A Brief History of Emotional Intelligence

  • 1985 – Wayne Payne introduces the term emotional intelligence in his doctoral dissertation entitled “A study of emotion: developing emotional intelligence; self-integration; relating to fear, pain and desire (theory, structure of reality, problem-solving, contraction/expansion, tuning in/coming out/letting go).”
  • 1987 – In an article published in Mensa Magazine, Keith Beasley uses the term “emotional quotient.” It has been suggested that this is the first published use of the term, although Reuven Bar-On claims to have used the term in an unpublished version of his graduate thesis.
  • 1990 – Psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer publish their landmark article, “Emotional Intelligence,” in the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality.
  • 1995 – The concept of emotional intelligence is popularized after publication of psychologist and New York Times science writer Daniel Goleman’s book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

 

What is EQ?

Defining EQ: “it is the ability to monitor one’s own and others feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions” The definitions are so varied and the field is growing so rapidly, that researchers are constantly amending even their own definitions.

The ability to perceive accurately, appraise and express emotion;  · The ability to access and/or generate feelings when they facilitate thought  · The ability to understand emotion and emotional knowledge  · The ability to regulate emotions to promote emotional and intellectual growth. 

What are emotions?

An emotion is a “complex reaction pattern, involving experiential, behavioural, and physiological elements, by which the individual attempts to deal with a personally significant matter of event”. It rises without conscious effort and is either positive or negative.

Classification of Emotions: The 12 universal emotions are:

Happiness, Depression, Sadness, Surprise, Disgust, Anxiety, Anger, Fear, Shame, Joy, Resentment, Acceptance, Curiosity/Creativity, Desire

Emotions Cause Response in the Body. These responses are often perceived as sensation in the body; for example:

  • Fear is felt as a heightened heartbeat, increased flinch response and increased muscle tension.
  • Anger, based on sensation, seems indistinguishable from fear.
  • Happiness is often felt as an expansive or swelling feeling in the chest and the sensation of lightness or buoyancy, as if standing underwater.
  • Sadness in often experienced as a feeling of tightness in the throat and eyes, and relaxation in the arms and legs.
  • Shame can be felt as heat in the upper chest and face.
  • Desire can be accompanied by a dry throat, heavy breathing, and increased heart rate.

Negative Emotions cause Distress in the Body:

 

  1. a.     Anger. Heart problems, high B P, Repressed anger with Stroke, Headaches.  
  2. b.    Sadness. Depression, Low B P, Low energy, Lower immune response.  
  3. c.      Fear. Allergies, Overactive immune response.  
  4. d.    Guilt. Side effects of things one feels guilty about.  
  5. e.      Shame. Skin problems. 
  6. f.      Conflict. Cancer.
  7. g.     Regret. Alzheimer’s disease.
  8. h.    Control. Parkinson’s disease.
  9. i.       Disgust. O C D.

 

Brain areas related to emotion

Emotions are thought to be related to activity in brain areas that direct our attention, motivate our behaviour, and determine the significance of what is going on around us. The following brain structures are currently thought to be most involved in emotion:

  • Amygdala: the amygdalae are two small, round structures located anterior to the hippocampi near the temporal poles. They are critical for the production of emotion, and a may be particularly so for negative emotions, specially fear.
  • Prefrontal cortex: Refers to the very front of the brain, behind the forehead and above the eyes. It plays a critical role in the regulation of emotion and behaviour by anticipating the consequences of our actions. It maintains emotions over time and organizes behaviour toward specific goals.
  • Anterior cingulate: The anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) is located in the middle of the brain, just behind the prefrontal cortex. The ACC plays a central role in attention, and may be particularly important with regard to conscious, subjective emotional awareness.

5  Components of Emotional Intelligence:

 

Personal Competencies: Self-Awareness , Managing Emotions , Motivation  

Social Competencies: Empathy , Social Skills Self-Awareness   High self-awareness refers to having an accurate understanding of how you behave, how other people perceive you, recognizing how you respond to others, being sensitive to your attitudes, feelings, emotions, intents and general communication style at any given moment and being able to accurately disclose this awareness to others. 

 

Managing Emotions The capacity to soothe oneself, to shake off rampant anxiety, gloom, despair, or irritability. Motivation   Be able to channel emotions to achieve a goal; to postpone immediate gratification for future gratification; to be productive in low interest, low enjoyment activities; to persist in the face of frustration and generate initiative without external pressure.  Empathy The ability to exchange information on a meaningful level. Adept in skills necessary for organizing groups and building teams, negotiating solutions, mediating conflict among others, building consensus, and making personal connections.  Social Skills Being aware of other people’s feelings and emotions; being able to listen to their feelings; being able to help others deal with their feelings and emotions in productive ways and assist them in increasing their awareness about their own impact on others.

How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence?

 Develop Your Self-Awareness

  1. 1.     Be aware of your feelings. Ask: “What is this feeling trying to tell me?”
  2. Meditate: Focus on your breathing. Observe your thoughts and feelings as an observer.
  3. Keep an emotional journal.
  4. Ask questions from yourself

Take Responsibility for Your Actions and Feelings

  1. Accept the emotions and feelings as they are. It is OK.
  2. Do emotions just happen or are created by others? Forget it. You allow emotions to be created. You have the choices about how you feel.
  3. All the information we receive from our five senses about what’s happening around us is already filtered by the time we become aware of it – first by the limbic system, our primitive emotional brain, and then by our beliefs and the meanings which we put on these events.
  4. You repeat the known patterns of thinking and belief systems. All your reactions are based on the Map of the World you hold.
  5. You can change the quality of the map and thus the reactions.

10.  How? Do OMW and take responsibility for all your actions and reactions.

Remember – You Are Not Your Emotions

11.  All emotions are good. Even the painful emotions mean something. Learn from your emotions and move on.

12.  You don’t have to feel bad. Understand your emotions, learn and replace with good feelings.

  1. Accept ‘what is’ without judgements.

Put Yourself in the Other Person’s Shoes

14.  As often as necessary take yourself in 2nd and 3rd perceptual positions. Ask: “What’s going on for this person right now? What’s important to them? What do they want from this interchange? What might they be feeling? Why are they doing what they are doing? “

Change Negative Thinking and the Triggers

15.  OMW works best. Do away with past negative experiences and the triggers. Inculcate an attitude of learning from past experiences.  Reprogram the future.

16.  Mentally rehearse the empowering future in clear picture forms and feelings.

17.  Make internal pictures positive, strong, vivid and attractive.

18.  The qualities of the pictures, and the volume and tone of internal dialogue, are what give these thoughts their power.

19.  Emotionalise what you focus on.

What is Emotional Hijack?

The word hijacking is used to convey the meaning that overwhelming emotions dominate the thinking ability. During emotional hijack thinking, logic and choices stop and all one experiences is overwhelming emotion. The response and decisions are based on single minded approach; the only choice, however wrong it may be. Corresponding to the extremes of emotions the responses are also extreme.

The trick is to understand your emotions before the hijack. Cultivate awareness. Do OMW.

What is Delayed Gratification?

Delayed gratification, or deferred gratification, is the ability to resist the temptation for an immediate reward and wait for a later bigger reward. Stanford marshmallow experiment, which shed light on the long-term results of a person’s ability to delay gratification.

One can inculcate the habit of delayed gratification by learning patience, impulse control, self-control and willpower, all of which are involved in self-regulation.

 

What is Optimal Performance?

Optimal performance is the result of emotional alignment. When you are free of internal conflicts you are aligned. How can we perform at our best if some parts inside us keep pulling us in different directions? Opposite of alignment is confusion, disintegration and dismal performance. The alignment is all about being in harmony with levels of awareness about your environments, your behaviour, your skills, your belief systems, your identity and your spirituality. When all these six levels are aligned you do what you do with all your heart and soul.  Your performance then is optimal. By applying the EQ competencies you ensure alignment at all these levels.

What are Nonverbal Messages?

Communication is like a circle. 93% of communication is nonverbal. Words are only 7%, body language 55% and voice tonality 38%. So, the nonverbal language is based on body language and voice tonality which forms 93% of communication. Nonverbal messages are subtle and meaningful. In order to empathise with others we must first be able to calibrate them and know signals of the body language and the meaning the gestures convey. Emotions show up on the facial expressions and body gestures. It takes knowledge and practice to read the nonverbal gestures.  Learning is in doing.

What is OMW and what is its role in Handling Emotions?

OMW is a versatile system to bring change in yourself and others. What change? Any change in emotional states, past issues and future anxiety. It works well for, even, physical conditions in the body. Really? Is it a magic? What is magic? Why don’t you try it?

OMW helps in every aspect of the EQ Competencies. Tapping creates awareness at the awareness level. Trains your mind and body to control and manage emotions, effectively.  OMW helps to eliminate the past patterns, depressive thoughts and even anxiety. It removes and replaces thinking and behaviour patterns. OMW is a reliable tool to enhance motivation by removing the barriers to motivation. Some people are more understanding and naturally reach out to people, whereas, some are more self-centred. EQ is not only about learning how to understand others, that but to do something for them. OMW helps you build an attitude of empathy. And, finally OMW builds the intuition to be socially more receptive, responsive and acceptable and even wanted by others.

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